Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Confidence and Comparing,

Hello Everyone!

" Another woman's beauty is not the absence of your own"

This is the first time I think I have written a chatty advice post, I can only hope it goes down well! I'm writing this at 11pm - on a college night. The strange things we do when we are overcome with I right?

So the other day me and two of my lovely friends were discussing self confidence briefly and how we were all now pretty content with the way we looked after years of comparing ourself to others and just being generally unsatisfied with our appearance. It got me thinking about my experiences as a young female "growing up" (I'd like to add I've only had 18 years on this earth- my experiences are limited!) and how I myself had overcome criticising myself on my journey from a young teen up until now.

Personal Experiences:

For me I think my downward spiral of self confidence began in the last year of school and starting college. - funnily enough when I joined instagram and peculiar...who would have thought! *sarcastic face*, I think this was a time where I realised just how much "competition" their was between females and how diverse beauty really was...I want olive skin...I want green eyes...I want curly hair...I should probably loose some weight I want to be blonde ...why doesn't my stomach look like that....

I hold my hands up, I can admit right now I wanted to be completely different. I wasn't happy with my pale skin, blue eyes, rosy cheeks and brown no no....I wanted to be everything that I wasn't. It's quite upsetting looking back on it, that I effectively wanted to change my whole being into somebody else.

I cant really pinpoint a specific date when I finally began to accept myself properly...I'd say it was sometime after the Christmas...and unintentional resolution in some sense and probably influenced by lots of personal experiences. I don't really know how to explain it...I guess I just started embracing what I had, and in that process I guess I started to like it to. That doesn't mean I don't like to play around with cosmetics or hair dye, it just means that I'm not going to try to obtain the impossible, I'm going to embrace the things I've got.

I can completely say I am the happiest I have ever been within myself, I think other people can see that to. I'm not saying there isn't things I'd like to work on or change (squat booty) that would be ridiculous, we all criticise ourselves. but I'm pretty content at the present time, I guess that is what matters.

Experiences of other Female Bloggers.
Enough about myself! I asked other blogger's on their experiences with self confidence and comparing themselves to others and it seems I am not alone here.

  • Vienna.Marie: "Had the feeling my friends were better than me, more beautiful" "I helped myself, I got a new job, gave up smoking learnt to drive,did a make up course and lost two stone"
  • Lacky_ "I try to give myself two options, I accept it or do something about it." 
  • KatieJ0hnson "After being bullied by people I though cared about me I realised I deserved better" "Only you yourself can feel the need to do something"
All three ladies agree that the best way in overcoming critical thinking of your appearance is to take the step by yourself into doing so. Only you can accept yourself.

Steps For Overcoming Low Confidence And Comparing Yourself To Others.

  • Realise that you are your own worst enemy. In most cases the negative thoughts about your appearance are coming from your mind, you need to think positive.
  • Pick out the things you like about yourself - come on there must be some!
  • Be realistic about what you can change.
  • If change is possible then Go for it sister! But in the correct way, don't risk your health.
  • Accept the things you can't change- and there will be some. Put them to the back of your head, they won't even matter when you embrace all the lovely things.
  • realise you will never be another person, that's just not how it works around here. I bet there are people who wish they had some of the features you have- bet you didn't think of that did you!
  • Change things up once a while. You look at your face every day...and you look at the faces of others less often...soooo you notice new things on them- thus making you want it to. I recommend changing your style,make-up,hair slightly every so often, just so you're not bored with the same things.
  • Remember that the media's idea of beauty isn't the only type of beauty. - Don't compare yourself to celebrities who have the best make up artists, food, skincare, photographers ect. If we all accepted ourselves 100% how many beauty industries would we put out of business? 

I hope this post has helped some of you struggling with accepting yourself, This is just how I overcame these problems!

Remember there is much more to life than the way you look!

Let me know how you found this post,

Emma xox


  1. The other thing I wanted to say is - don't stay friends with people who make you feel like crap or don't appreciate you. The best thing you can do for your own self esteem is cut those people out, might sound harsh but it honestly helped me so much. That way you can spend that energy looking after yourself instead of trying to please people who aren't willing to spend any time trying to please you! If that makes any sense at all!

    1. No I totally agree! Some people are so critical of others when they dont "fit in" or try something different. In most cases they like what you've done/doing they just dont want to admit it! Xxx

  2. Great post hun... I think it's important that young ladies understand that it's normL to feel that way but it does pass and you do learn to accept and love yourself... It comes with age unfortunately... But you can make steps to speed up the process xx


    1. Thank you so much! Yes defiantly! I think I grew out of it too, I think its a matter of changing your mindset to xxx

  3. Very well said Emma! Very inspiring to anyone who feels flawed by their own imperfections! Everyone's human and everyone deserves the same worth! Amazing post! 😀

  4. This is a really beautiful post! May I add your'e so beautiful and clearly not just on the outside the world needs more of this xox


    1. This is a lovely comment I'm so grateful! Thank you so much xxxx

  5. Love this post so much!! Great tips and advice. I did a post on confidence too and my experience. :)
    Yours Truly, NY

  6. Thankyou hun I'll check it out! Xxx

  7. Brilliant post and I hope this helps people, I used to have serious confidence issues when I was at school, to the point where I stopped eating because I wanted to "be like other girls" I was bullied because... I had big boobs, yes honest to god, now the rest of me has always been small I just had big boobs that I hated because I got comments like "well if they aren't fake then they are only so big because you are fat" and I actually believed it. It has taken me a long time to finally accept me for who I am and of course I still have down days where I think "god I wish I looked like *insert female here*" but then I think about the things I have done and over come that make me who I am and if I looked like someone else then I wouldn't have gone through those things to be me. xx

    1. How awful, people can be so spiteful. They must realise how it affects others. Its clearly a case of jealousy, you notice that a lot of pretty girls with things others want are often shunned and brought down. Put that middle finger up! They clearly wanted your boobs girl! Absolutely awful. That's so true you came out stronger, they gained nothing but embarrassment. They should be utterly ashamed of themselves xxxx